October 11, 2009

10 things I associate Carl Pavano with

carlpavano The Yankees have a chance to close out the ALDS against one of the most hated figures in the entire franchise, Carl Pavano.

In four years with the Yanks, he went 9-8 with a 5.00 ERA. Sounds like a good use of $38 million, right? Anyway, here’s my list of 10 things I associate Carl Pavano with.

  1. A pussy cat
    Pavano’s a big pussy. He missed all of 2006, and started nine games in his final two seasons.
  2. Tomatoes
    I hate tomatoes. I love tomato sauce and ketchup, but the juicy tomato might be the grossest food in the world.
  3. Jonathan Papelbon
    Papelbon might be the only player I hate more than Pavano. These two pitchers have nothing in common in terms of pitching, but they do share my hate. Oh, and both were drafted by the Red Sox.

    UPDATE: I no longer hate Papelbon. He just handed the Angels a trip to the ALCS. Red Sox can wait until next year.
  4. Tom Brady
    I think he’s the most overrated football player of all-time, and gets way too much credit for the Patriots’ three Super Bowls. Pavano wasn’t apart of any championships with the Yankees, but he did beat New York with the Marlins two years before he was signed by the Yanks.
  5. Science
    The only subject in school I absolutely despise. Most would expect a journalist like me to hate math, but I actually love math. I don’t love Pavano. He reminds me of science.
  6. Apple
    Apple sucks. I happen to be invested in them — just like the Yankees were with Pavano — but I am a PC guy. Pavano probably uses Apple too — it would make sense.
  7. Anything that doesn’t sink
    Carl Pavano’s sinker never sunk when he played with the Yankees. Neither did logs or lily pads.
  8. Pedro Martinez, #45
    Like Pedro Martinez, Pavano wore No. 45. I hated Pedro on the Red Sox, and I hated Pavano on the Yankees.
  9. Gold thongs
    Jason Giambi wore a gold thong. He and Pavano share a birthday of Jan. 8. They both sported mustaches as well.
  10. Babies crying in hospital
  11. Crying babies is probably the most obvious association I have with Pavano. He cries all the time, he’s in the hospital all the time and he’s a big baby. This “Big Baby” reminds me of Pavano too.
Thanks for reading! Join me tonight in watching the Yankees offense slam Pavano to advance to the ALCS.

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